Teaching Kids How to Make and Keep Friends

Friendships are one of the most meaningful parts of childhood. But what happens when a child struggles to make or maintain those connections? If you’ve ever watched a student play alone on the edge of the playground or had a child say, “No one wants to be my friend,” you know the ache that sits in the space where friendship should be.

As school counselors, psychologists, allied health professionals, and caregivers, we are often called upon to support children in navigating the tricky terrain of peer relationships. And while some children naturally thrive socially, others need explicit support to learn the skills of friendship.

This blog explores how to teach children how to make and keep friends with intention and heart. Whether you’re working with neurodivergent students, children with anxiety, or kids who’ve experienced trauma, this guide will offer practical, developmentally appropriate strategies for building meaningful peer relationships.

Why Teaching Friendship Skills Matters

Children aren’t born knowing how to start conversations, read social cues, or repair a rupture in a relationship. These are learned skills. And for many kids, especially those with additional needs or social-emotional challenges, friendship doesn’t come easily.

Left unsupported, these children may feel lonely, rejected, or misunderstood. They may internalize social struggles as personal failure, reinforcing negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “No one likes me.”

As a school counselor, I’ve had countless sessions with children whose biggest wish wasn’t better grades or more toys—it was someone to sit with at lunch. These moments remind me that friendship is not a luxury for kids; it’s a protective factor for mental health, resilience, and a sense of belonging.

What Gets in the Way of Friendship?

Before diving into strategies, it’s important to understand what might be making friendships hard for a child. Barriers can include:

• Social anxiety or shyness
• Poor emotional regulation
• Lack of exposure to positive peer interactions
• Difficulty reading social cues (often in neurodivergent children)
• Past experiences of bullying or exclusion
• Low self-esteem

Every child is unique. Our role is to meet them where they are and scaffold them forward with empathy and care.

Teaching Children How to Make Friends

1. Practice Conversation Starters

Many children don’t know how to initiate social interaction. Give them simple scripts they can use, like:

• “Hi, can I play too?”
• “What are you playing?”
• “Do you want to build together?”

Role-play these with puppets, visuals, or games. Rehearsing gives kids confidence in real-life situations.

2. Teach Body Language and Social Cues

Understanding nonverbal cues is vital. Use mirrors, photos, or role-plays to help children recognize:

• Smiling faces vs. disinterested faces
• Inviting posture vs. turned-away posture
• Tone of voice and facial expression

I once worked with a child who kept joining games mid-way, unaware that the others were signaling “not now” with their body language. Once we broke down the cues together, he began choosing better moments to approach—and was much more successful.

3. Model and Reinforce Kindness

Friendship isn’t just about being liked—it’s about being kind, patient, and respectful. Model language like:

• “That’s okay, maybe next time.”
• “I like the way you included them.”
• “You looked disappointed, but you stayed calm. That was kind.”

Use books, stories, or cartoons to show examples of both positive and hurtful social behavior.

4. Use Games to Teach Turn-Taking and Teamwork

Board games, building activities, and group tasks offer natural ways to teach skills like:

• Taking turns
• Sharing materials
• Listening to others’ ideas
• Managing winning and losing

If conflicts arise during play, treat them as learning moments. Gently guide children to name the problem, consider others’ feelings, and try again.

5. Validate and Normalize Friendship Challenges

Sometimes we try so hard to fix the problem that we forget to validate the pain. Let children know:

• It’s okay to feel left out
• Not every friendship will work out, and that’s normal
• They deserve kindness, even when others are unkind

When we normalize friendship struggles, kids feel less alone in their experiences.

Helping Children Keep Friends

1. Teach Repair Skills

Friendships sometimes hit bumps. Teach children what to do after a conflict:

• Apologize sincerely
• Ask how to make it right
• Give space if needed
• Reconnect later with kindness

I once supported a pair of students who fought over a soccer game. With support, one wrote a note that said, “I got mad. I should have used my words. Want to try again tomorrow?” That tiny act of repair reopened the door to connection.

2. Explore Friendship Qualities

Use visuals or lists to help kids identify what makes a good friend:

• Kind
• Fun
• Fair
• Listens
• Doesn’t boss or tease

Ask: “What do you look for in a friend? What kind of friend do you want to be?” This helps children set healthy expectations.

3. Discuss Boundaries and Peer Pressure

Children also need to know how to say no, walk away, and protect themselves from toxic friendships. Talk about:

• Saying no kindly
• Asking for help
• Choosing friends who make you feel safe

Use simple scenarios: “What would you do if a friend told you to break a rule?”

Practical Tools You Can Use

• Social Stories and Scripts: Use short stories that walk through social situations
• Friendship Journals: Have children draw or write about their friendship wins and challenges
• Visual Cue Cards: Offer reminders of friendship rules, phrases, and emotions
• Group Counseling Activities: Use small group formats to practice social interaction in a safe setting

Personal Reflections From Practice

I remember working with a young girl who had been excluded from birthday parties multiple times. Her shoulders slumped whenever the topic of friendship came up. Over time, we created a “Friendship Toolkit” with her—full of drawings, kind notes, and strategies she could use to approach peers.

Eventually, she came back and whispered, “I used one of my ideas. I sat with someone at lunch today.”

Moments like that remind me that small shifts lead to meaningful change. Friendship skills are teachable. And teaching them is one of the most powerful gifts we can give a child.

Final Thoughts

Friendship isn’t just playtime. It’s social learning, emotional growth, and identity-building all wrapped into one. When we take time to teach kids how to make and keep friends, we offer them connection, resilience, and the confidence to belong.

Whether you’re a school counselor supporting a social skills group, a parent coaching your child through playground politics, or a psychologist using story-based therapy, the work you do matters.

Let’s keep making space for these conversations—because every child deserves to feel accepted, wanted, and valued.

Looking for Ready-to-Use Tools to Teach Social Skills?

Join the All Therapy Resources Membership for access to hundreds of printable games, visual supports, friendship journals, and counseling tools. Perfect for SEL groups, play-based sessions, or home use. Let us help you take the guesswork out of supporting kids with friendship skills that last a lifetime.